I am unsure of the younger man's name speaking on the CBS
Morning show regarding the gun debate, but I wanted to take a moment and
compliment him and his approach in trying to explain and reshape the debate. He
made two points though, I wanted to address. One, he is right, east and north
coast folks are very different than folks living in the south, alhough having
known many people who live on both coasts, I know more than a few who feel that
owning and having a right to a gun is a completely normal, non hick right. But
his point is closer to making sense than than anything else I have heard; the
way the gun control folks are speaking make it sound like ALL guns should be
gone. And yes, in an ideal world where there is not violence of the sort that
might require a final "stop moving towards me and hurting me" shot,
then no guns would be fine. Ofcourse, rocks would be lethal, sticks, pushing
someone off an edge, or, as the soccer player you featured in your follow up
story, a fist can deploy a lethal shot. So how do we decide which fist is an
AK-47 and which is more of a small BB gun? You get the point. That being said,
gun owners have to face a reality...as does the rest of America. There are
people who do not have the development, the social connection based feelings and behaviors or social skills
to feel a part of society and over time this alineation and the hurts we, as
humans inevitably cause others to feel becomes a toxic mix of decision making
that unfortunately results in massacres with guns as the weapon. Additionally, some people who are very good people, sometimes become so overwhelmed and stressed that they simply snap. Parents are
reluctant to admit "my child, whether grown adult child or child in home,
has issues" and from there make the decision they do not need any guns in
home, no matter how much saftey they teach. But beyond parents, there are also friends, spouses, bosses, co worker, etc. who often are front line int the warning signs of a breakdown or dangerous thought process. And we, as a whole, have been less than willing to have those discussions until after something heinous occurs. But the definition of mentally ill
is tricky. Anyone who has been giving a medication for anxiety is considered
mentally ill. Well, there goes 3/4 of our country. And this definition is going
to change even more, because we have an emerging base whose front temporal lobe
which handles impulse and judgement, is being changed. In other words, all our
lovely technology is rapidly reducing the ability for folks to be
patient..after all click click and I get what I want immediately. So we now
have alot of people with low frustration levels...think two year old tantrums.
Now make those tantrums on teens and adults of all ages. Makes me wonder
ofcourse about another point he made, that "Republicans and Democrats ACT
different, they behave different" This is a concept I am going to write
about more in an essay, but I'll throw it out here as well, maybe he is really
on to something. Folks drawn towards "religiosity" tendencies are
more rigid. Republicans have attracted that base for a very long time, so it
stands to reason their leadership would be made of this type of mentality and
leaning, one of a more rigid, black/white line, all or nothing mentality;
mental illness is something they cannot grapple with because unfortunately, the
truth is, many of them would fail the background check on a psych eval (to be
fair, so would democrats, and everyone else). Reality is that most all of us
would. The idea that there is a clear cut "normal mind" and an
abnormal mind is just a warm and fuzzy myth we like in our world so that there
is a clear "us" and "them".
Democrats, as a melting pot of sometimes misguided compassion with no
internal regulation, can't move through the arguement to find an agree point on
the necessary element of guns in our world. For the record, I am a gun owning
Democrat in Oklahoma. I am a therapist and I have my carry and conceal. I do
not take my gun to work because our law in our field forbids it. I work with
folks though, that sometimes exhibit the types of behavior and thought patterns
that make gun control advocates shiver as they imagine the scenarios. Wake up
call folks, we all work with these people, because on any given day, that
person becomes us. Are some guns unnecessary? Sure, on our street, today, with
the sun out, and law and order in effect overall, sure. If the metaphorical
rise of social zombies (yep zombies, I so used them as an example) and
breakdown of society between the impoverished and the "have more than
anyone ever needed in a lifetime (or ten)" keep colliding and if our
social structure broke down and a hundred people were racing towards me in a
death match moment, then the Ak-47 or that Bushwacker might have merit. The
reality is, our fear of that moment and our very real fear of a government that
we don't fully always understand nor trust, regardless of the fact that
government is "for the people and by the people, and in essence are the
people" makes the words "gun control" sound much more like
"we take your right to protect you and your family". So the young man
is right, the wording is wrong. But when do we move beyond to finding out why
we are dissolving into a much crueler society, our children are relentless in
their torturing of one another, and parents throw fits at the schools for
"getting on their poor baby" when their poor baby is a prima donna
popular kid tormenting another child gleefully. Or their kid is the quiet,
introverted game playing child who one day, due to mixing fantasy and reality
too much, decides to take the game on for real. (Sorry game makers, your full
of #$%*!, the military trains with these games, they desensitize the response system
over time, and they train in military defense and attack training, I have ten
year olds that know more gun types, bullets, and swat modes than you can
imagine...they didn't pick it up on Sesame Street) But again, it is the parents
who bought the game and not all children will use the video game as a training
manual for a later crime) At some point, we have to stop arguing and start
having real conversations. Conversations about what is happening in the brains
of our emerging generations. Discussions of how true mental illness works and
how it effects the mind and judgement, and then carefully evaluate the most
obvious who should probably never own any guns because of psychosis versus
someone with anxiety who took a valium once for surgery. But don't forget
folks...circumstances can make anyone "temporarily insane". And that,
in the end is what makes this whole debate so hard. Finding that one line or characterstic that keeps us all safe
from "them". Earlier I said I had my carry and conceal, a year ago we
had some guys who apparently were involved in a
shooting a few blocks over. I woke up at three A.M. to dogs barking,
opened the curtains, and roughly three feet past my window were three males. At
first, I thought they were walking in the sprinklers to cool off because that
seemed totally logical at 3:00 am. Its Oklahoma, its hot here. Then the young
man swung his arm forward and I saw a gun my mind could only register from
movies...as my husband asked what was wrong all I could muster was "spraying
gun", because that is how the gun acts, it sprays continual bullets. Now
we live in a historic area, very nice area, good homes, good people, safe
streets. But a young woman had moved into her mother's old home and brought her
friends into our world, and her friends apparently like shooting at one another
as an activity on a Saturday night. I can tell you that I did not remember to
grab a gun, I walked through my house to find a phone, got physically ill when
my husband said they were in our driveway just as the operator told me there
had been a shooting, and threw up as I felt that feeling I had only read about
prior, "cold fear" coursed through my body. When I returned from the
bathroom, my husband was gone. He had only heard "spraying"
apparently and thought they were messing with our sprinklers. Again, its 3
A.M., we recognize we had a communication error. He ran out, confronted them
with his finger basically telling them to get down now. They thought he had a
gun and dropped to the ground. Fairly quickly they realized he didn't and they
took off. Neither of us ever grabbed a gun. Both carry and conceal certified.
Both pro gun. Both southern hicks right? Let's remember, those boys had a gun,
and in that moment, even scared, being chased, and trapped for a moment...they
didn't shoot him. And maybe that's where the debate gets stuck. For every clear
cut moment of misuse and calamity of guns and people run amock, there are those
moments where things are handled differently that define "reckless and
thoughtless behavior" with a line of clarity in mindful intent and mindful
choice in action.
Maybe the guns are the sympton to our problem. In
counseling, people often bring their child in who is "having
problems". Sometimes the child really is hard wired in a way that maybe is not fixable, no pills, no
treatment, nothing is gonna change or alter how this child acts, thinks, or
responds. Other times, the family structure, the environment they exist in
daily, those are more the contributing factors.
When we are lucky, we can help change that world enough to help the
child stabilize themelves and from there start to make healthier response and
coping skills. I would argue that the adult version of gun violence run amuck
probably starts with similar elements.
Toes, the "warrior dog"
copyright 2013 Kristi Crutchfield Cox
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