Infrequent Coarse Language

 "Unknown but captivating Sculptor's Piece"

Photo taken by Kristi Crutchfield Cox, 2013



Abby Lee Dance Company comes with a warning label noted as "infrequent coarse language" followed by "Reality". For those who are unaware of the premise of the this latest vestige of passive aggressive displays of relational aggression among women paired with twisted notes of an almost Pavlovian response of our society...please check out a few episodes. You will watch the mothers behave in ways they would ground their daughters for acting like. The concept of "standing up for oneself" advocated, yet often eroding into a display of screaming, threatening, and insulting exchanges as female bonding and coexistence.

And then there's Abby Lee. Who walks back and forth between empowering the young girls...and then verbally scaring the shit out of them. One word and they either smile or deteriorate.

 Some harden.

Maddie.

She has learned to thrive under this tutelage.

Each of them are stunning in what they are capable of. Each have their own arresting element that hints at how their personality shapes their style. When you actually watch them interpret, sway, leap, or aerial across the stage once can see they truly have a mastery of their talent at a very young age.

I figure Abby Lee is the type of coach that the Olympics Gymnastics became notorious for.

And for some reason, this pressured coaching will push the best to the top.

But how many get destroyed in the process of forcing that cream to the top?

Chloey has her own style that mesmerizes. But I worry her mother may break, and Chloey needs her mother to simply support her, not have fights with the other mothers. And the women are so anxious; feeling the ground shifting under them, being on TV and competing and having feedback from strangers shaping them  quickly as they try to find a way to feel a sense of how to handle and navigate this scrutiny, mixed with almost being pitted against their daughters in the quest to keep them ahead of the game.

One girl hurt her foot. She almost looked relieved.

Her mother was willing to risk it to keep her in the act...or so it seemed. Maybe that was simply a crafty cut and paste job by the editing crew, shaping our impressions of this evolving world of how people behave.

It is disturbing, the manner in which these young ladies who are only beginning to move from the reaction of "ooh gross boys" to "boys-gotta have em", are skimming the edges of evocative by using contortion gymnastics as a genre of dancing while wearing a fedora and  halter top with booty shorts . A Brittneyesque woman's voice croons "I Know What You Want".  A mother's reaction was concern over the dance not being "hip hop enough".  Abby's was over the girls "not showing me fire, they showed me lukewarm".

 The girls themselves looked awkward, suspended between being talented dancers who can emulate many styles versus trying to dance in a fashion unfamiliar and to words whose stated intent is sex.

Why am I relieved they didn't pull off this dance?

Why am I disturbed that the mothers applauded.

 During the song, "We Flew Kites Together" a male voice speaks softened words of lost moments in a relationship that is now gone. The girls danced strongly and the music mesmerized and yet the result was haunting: little girls in blue dresses with bruises and black eyes displaying a dance of violence against themselves and others as the male voice ends with "we never flew kites together". I get shock value...but really?

Do they understand the meaning? Is there meaning? Is it saying the lack of a father figure being interactive, interested and present as a reason for why a woman stays in an abusive relationship?

Listening to the words alone, it evoked a sense of regretting the lost moments of a relationship and mourning that. 

And yet, I wonder if it will be what they remember? Will this dance help them walk away from when they encounter abuse themselves or through their friendships...did Abby in essence empower them in this?

Why aren't the mothers' disturbed? Abby is very artistic and although no, she is not really a hip hop teacher, she is talented in her preferred style. (See hip hop episode 1/1/13, TLC Dance Moms' Show for all above mentioned episodes, it was a marathon show day)  The new mother Kiya stood her ground just now with the mothers. I think she will only be on a few episodes. She does not seem wired for games.

These shows seem to bring out the immature understanding or either a very perplexing testament to the new value system of our society ie..."bad behavior wins"  type version of the rules of "Art of War" and "Who moved my Cheese" manner of life and relationship negotiation meets "Desperate Housewives" in behavior and mentality, and unfortunately, more often then not, in their rationality...or lack their of. They are ruthless and then supportive; banding together, than annihilating one another, their boundaries continue to slide in how they treat one another, and how they show their girls about how adult women handle themselves.

We all have had those moments, times, friendships, experiences, decisions, whatever you want to list there...where our worst is brought out. Sometimes it may take us repeat encounters until we finally learn and evolve in how we think, act, behave and exist in this world. How we handle stress and people and life.

And folks, our overall examples of a "Day in the Life of America"  as being displayed by television programming is...a bit haywire.

I look up, the sound of two of the girls singing interrupts my thoughts. They are making a video, says the brunette who I am still learning the names and background of since I actually don't watch this show very often simply because of the fact that there is really not allot of dancing actually shown and due to the near perfect attendance pattern of the show featuring arguing, screaming, immature tantrum throwing, entitlement, vicious and insecurely competitive based behavior.

Again, we have all had our time where a situation brought out he worst in us...unfortunately what we underestimate is the collision and collateral damage experienced by those who play games being thrown in with those who don't play games and then how people evolve their own behavior from there. What becomes the majority? Navigating relationships seem to be more minefield driven on TV. And it seems to be becoming more widespread. The behavior has always existed, consider the eighties cult hit movie "Heathers" and "Jawbreaker". "Mean Girls".  The book "Queen Bees and Wanna Bees" Erickson's "Games People Play".

Hell...consider the Bible or any other religious text examining human  nature. I just wonder, why, when pressure and stress rise do we not communicate and work together more rather than  becoming alienated and disconnected.

I wonder how much this "Schoolyard rules written by modern day society" are really shaping and reshaping or youth...and even more appallingly, our adults.

Two girls still believe the world will be kind.

They posted a video of themselves singing, while in their room, with a camera person watching them. Maybe more were in the room, maybe not. I imagine the mother was not there, not in that moment. The girls have a certain...casualness with one another never present when the mothers are videoed.  Maybe the mom is at work, maybe making dinner. On second thought, she is probably updating her fan and Facebook pages.

The singing girl just looked into the camera announcing her reason as "wanting to see if people think I'm good".

I am worried she will shortly learn that the term "haters" refers to someone who really is mean in what and how they let you know what they think. The reasons may very, but the result is often a series of increasingly cruel, vulgar, and even threatening comments by disembodied names practicing  our increasingly irresponsible use of free speech.

I know this has been a theme in reality television since "Real World" took a divergent path from the  reflection of real lives and began a revolution of exploring reality television in a manner that had rarely been done beyond academic and edgy art house documentaries previously.

Documentaries that become popular evolve into a type of docu-reality hybrid that is having an effect on the WTF of our current societal makeup and the counter effects and developing society.

Media has become the new parent, friend, and influence of development and developmental stages.

America, we better wake up.

The next few blogs will explore media, our development, both positives and possible negatives.

The kicker in all of this...her dances, some of them...truly wake you up, shocking the system in their fragile raw destructive and menacing beauty.

I'm just not sure if its appropriate is all.

Sometimes some things are positive and negative at the same time.


Catch a few episodes of "Toddlers and Tiaras"...Dr. Drew was able to id that "Boo Boo juice" was liken to crack. But some mothers on this show continue to create an addiction base in their children with candy. I am sure there are strengths in having your child in these pageants...but so far, one child screaming "I hate it" while her mother hands her a candy bar as a bribe to dance. And yet, I must admit, Honey Boo Boo, who now has a spin off show, seems to have gained a stronger sense of confidence than she may have had otherwise given all contributing factors in her life. Final note...on the episode of "Toddlers and Tiaras; America's Genuine Jewel Pageant" one person got it right. He described himself as the "father figure" in a little girl's life, and that he had tagged along on the fitting because he was concerned about what the word "tribal" would mean as a costume choice indicating his concern the outfit might be rather scarce in fabric. As the little girl bent down to stand on her head while doing a splits in the air, her outfit parting dead center between her legs, her mother smiling approvingly, he noted that he didn't understand that move, that it "might be a dance but not the kind of dance she needs to be doing, I saw that in  Chris Brown video". Her mother, smiling in the camera stated "it's my daughter and I get to decide what she wears".

Yes, mommy...yes you do. And Chris Brown is having video try outs soon.