Infrequent Coarse Language

 "Unknown but captivating Sculptor's Piece"

Photo taken by Kristi Crutchfield Cox, 2013



Abby Lee Dance Company comes with a warning label noted as "infrequent coarse language" followed by "Reality". For those who are unaware of the premise of the this latest vestige of passive aggressive displays of relational aggression among women paired with twisted notes of an almost Pavlovian response of our society...please check out a few episodes. You will watch the mothers behave in ways they would ground their daughters for acting like. The concept of "standing up for oneself" advocated, yet often eroding into a display of screaming, threatening, and insulting exchanges as female bonding and coexistence.

And then there's Abby Lee. Who walks back and forth between empowering the young girls...and then verbally scaring the shit out of them. One word and they either smile or deteriorate.

 Some harden.

Maddie.

She has learned to thrive under this tutelage.

Each of them are stunning in what they are capable of. Each have their own arresting element that hints at how their personality shapes their style. When you actually watch them interpret, sway, leap, or aerial across the stage once can see they truly have a mastery of their talent at a very young age.

I figure Abby Lee is the type of coach that the Olympics Gymnastics became notorious for.

And for some reason, this pressured coaching will push the best to the top.

But how many get destroyed in the process of forcing that cream to the top?

Chloey has her own style that mesmerizes. But I worry her mother may break, and Chloey needs her mother to simply support her, not have fights with the other mothers. And the women are so anxious; feeling the ground shifting under them, being on TV and competing and having feedback from strangers shaping them  quickly as they try to find a way to feel a sense of how to handle and navigate this scrutiny, mixed with almost being pitted against their daughters in the quest to keep them ahead of the game.

One girl hurt her foot. She almost looked relieved.

Her mother was willing to risk it to keep her in the act...or so it seemed. Maybe that was simply a crafty cut and paste job by the editing crew, shaping our impressions of this evolving world of how people behave.

It is disturbing, the manner in which these young ladies who are only beginning to move from the reaction of "ooh gross boys" to "boys-gotta have em", are skimming the edges of evocative by using contortion gymnastics as a genre of dancing while wearing a fedora and  halter top with booty shorts . A Brittneyesque woman's voice croons "I Know What You Want".  A mother's reaction was concern over the dance not being "hip hop enough".  Abby's was over the girls "not showing me fire, they showed me lukewarm".

 The girls themselves looked awkward, suspended between being talented dancers who can emulate many styles versus trying to dance in a fashion unfamiliar and to words whose stated intent is sex.

Why am I relieved they didn't pull off this dance?

Why am I disturbed that the mothers applauded.

 During the song, "We Flew Kites Together" a male voice speaks softened words of lost moments in a relationship that is now gone. The girls danced strongly and the music mesmerized and yet the result was haunting: little girls in blue dresses with bruises and black eyes displaying a dance of violence against themselves and others as the male voice ends with "we never flew kites together". I get shock value...but really?

Do they understand the meaning? Is there meaning? Is it saying the lack of a father figure being interactive, interested and present as a reason for why a woman stays in an abusive relationship?

Listening to the words alone, it evoked a sense of regretting the lost moments of a relationship and mourning that. 

And yet, I wonder if it will be what they remember? Will this dance help them walk away from when they encounter abuse themselves or through their friendships...did Abby in essence empower them in this?

Why aren't the mothers' disturbed? Abby is very artistic and although no, she is not really a hip hop teacher, she is talented in her preferred style. (See hip hop episode 1/1/13, TLC Dance Moms' Show for all above mentioned episodes, it was a marathon show day)  The new mother Kiya stood her ground just now with the mothers. I think she will only be on a few episodes. She does not seem wired for games.

These shows seem to bring out the immature understanding or either a very perplexing testament to the new value system of our society ie..."bad behavior wins"  type version of the rules of "Art of War" and "Who moved my Cheese" manner of life and relationship negotiation meets "Desperate Housewives" in behavior and mentality, and unfortunately, more often then not, in their rationality...or lack their of. They are ruthless and then supportive; banding together, than annihilating one another, their boundaries continue to slide in how they treat one another, and how they show their girls about how adult women handle themselves.

We all have had those moments, times, friendships, experiences, decisions, whatever you want to list there...where our worst is brought out. Sometimes it may take us repeat encounters until we finally learn and evolve in how we think, act, behave and exist in this world. How we handle stress and people and life.

And folks, our overall examples of a "Day in the Life of America"  as being displayed by television programming is...a bit haywire.

I look up, the sound of two of the girls singing interrupts my thoughts. They are making a video, says the brunette who I am still learning the names and background of since I actually don't watch this show very often simply because of the fact that there is really not allot of dancing actually shown and due to the near perfect attendance pattern of the show featuring arguing, screaming, immature tantrum throwing, entitlement, vicious and insecurely competitive based behavior.

Again, we have all had our time where a situation brought out he worst in us...unfortunately what we underestimate is the collision and collateral damage experienced by those who play games being thrown in with those who don't play games and then how people evolve their own behavior from there. What becomes the majority? Navigating relationships seem to be more minefield driven on TV. And it seems to be becoming more widespread. The behavior has always existed, consider the eighties cult hit movie "Heathers" and "Jawbreaker". "Mean Girls".  The book "Queen Bees and Wanna Bees" Erickson's "Games People Play".

Hell...consider the Bible or any other religious text examining human  nature. I just wonder, why, when pressure and stress rise do we not communicate and work together more rather than  becoming alienated and disconnected.

I wonder how much this "Schoolyard rules written by modern day society" are really shaping and reshaping or youth...and even more appallingly, our adults.

Two girls still believe the world will be kind.

They posted a video of themselves singing, while in their room, with a camera person watching them. Maybe more were in the room, maybe not. I imagine the mother was not there, not in that moment. The girls have a certain...casualness with one another never present when the mothers are videoed.  Maybe the mom is at work, maybe making dinner. On second thought, she is probably updating her fan and Facebook pages.

The singing girl just looked into the camera announcing her reason as "wanting to see if people think I'm good".

I am worried she will shortly learn that the term "haters" refers to someone who really is mean in what and how they let you know what they think. The reasons may very, but the result is often a series of increasingly cruel, vulgar, and even threatening comments by disembodied names practicing  our increasingly irresponsible use of free speech.

I know this has been a theme in reality television since "Real World" took a divergent path from the  reflection of real lives and began a revolution of exploring reality television in a manner that had rarely been done beyond academic and edgy art house documentaries previously.

Documentaries that become popular evolve into a type of docu-reality hybrid that is having an effect on the WTF of our current societal makeup and the counter effects and developing society.

Media has become the new parent, friend, and influence of development and developmental stages.

America, we better wake up.

The next few blogs will explore media, our development, both positives and possible negatives.

The kicker in all of this...her dances, some of them...truly wake you up, shocking the system in their fragile raw destructive and menacing beauty.

I'm just not sure if its appropriate is all.

Sometimes some things are positive and negative at the same time.


Catch a few episodes of "Toddlers and Tiaras"...Dr. Drew was able to id that "Boo Boo juice" was liken to crack. But some mothers on this show continue to create an addiction base in their children with candy. I am sure there are strengths in having your child in these pageants...but so far, one child screaming "I hate it" while her mother hands her a candy bar as a bribe to dance. And yet, I must admit, Honey Boo Boo, who now has a spin off show, seems to have gained a stronger sense of confidence than she may have had otherwise given all contributing factors in her life. Final note...on the episode of "Toddlers and Tiaras; America's Genuine Jewel Pageant" one person got it right. He described himself as the "father figure" in a little girl's life, and that he had tagged along on the fitting because he was concerned about what the word "tribal" would mean as a costume choice indicating his concern the outfit might be rather scarce in fabric. As the little girl bent down to stand on her head while doing a splits in the air, her outfit parting dead center between her legs, her mother smiling approvingly, he noted that he didn't understand that move, that it "might be a dance but not the kind of dance she needs to be doing, I saw that in  Chris Brown video". Her mother, smiling in the camera stated "it's my daughter and I get to decide what she wears".

Yes, mommy...yes you do. And Chris Brown is having video try outs soon.

BULLWORTH, OBAMA, and AMERICAN HOPE

If you haven't seen Bullworth, you should.

It is the story of a white, middle aged congressman played by Warren Betty, who rips the lid off the political correctness bullshit of interviews we have become so accustomed to in our medias efforts to show us who our "real candidates" are, mind you this is possibly due to a brain tumor, but the effect is insanity with a purpose. Hallie Berry plays a hitman turned love interest, who ultimately witnesses the living dream assasinated in front of her. There are many moments in this film that feel over the top, and yet, the film is brilliant. It exposes our underbellies as a society, ALL our underbellies; white (caucasion), black (African American), Asian, Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese, Latino, Colombian, Salvadorian, Hispanic, and the many MANY mixes of our ethnicities in between. I find it interesting that in a  few mintues I will go stand in line again, hopefully able to vote.

And who will I vote for...

That is the hard one, the thing that has rendered me less excited, less sure, and completely confused as to what I should sacrifice and for which greater good. I have realized that men like Ryan are something I cannot support or even relate to. I  have realized men like Ryan have no business in politics anymore, as they have nothing to do with the American people as a whole, but rather a fading (hopefully) era of frightening beliefs and lack of connection with the diverse public.

And yet, Romney is part of an economist mentality that regardless of his intelligence, we need a bit more of to figure out our middle class extinction. Or maybe that is a misguided hope, because there is no real proof he is going to be able to fix anything at all, and the cost of him slashing and buring women's rights by giving the government extreme power over personal decisions is a risk I cannot take. Not for me so much as for my fellow females, who may one day find themselves in a  room, needing the right to make their own choice.

I don't understand why religion is in government. Didn't the Anabaptists fight for seperation for a reason.

And Obama...I have to point out here that I do not believe this man is a terrorist. Mainly, for no other reason than I would think if he was trying to be a "Homeland" type plant by some identified enemy...wouldn't his name be something like Jack? Or John, Or Bob? But not...Obama..and not admitting anything about muslim connection.

So past that concern..how has he done?

He was handed a war torn country, a recession, and a monumental moment full of expectation and weight.

He was given a congress better suited for time out on a playground than for running a country.

He was handed a voting public whose interest in anything beyond a 10 second slam fest of misleading messages was nill.

He was handed millions of people losing jobs, facing evictions, and being defrauded in some of the largest investor schemes of our time.

He was handed a country looking for hope, but unprepapred for the real overhaul it will take.

He was handed a country looking for a team captain...

I am sure he has not lived up to the epxectations and hope I had, but I am sure that between the two...he is still the one who gives me hope.

So in this election, I vote "hope".

The Undecided Voter

Today I read about the undecided voter. The image of this voter changed based on whose summation I read. "Walmart mom", "uneducated", even "no apparent brain activity". All descriptions of this voting set previously known as the undecided citizen. Each trying to decide why there is very little passion in this Presidential race.

Well, let me introduce you to one more category of the undecided voter.

She is educated, has one bachelors, two masters. Works roughly ten hours a day, sometimes less, as a clinical therapist. One evening, she teaches, college level. She has been a yoga instructor, a massage therapist, worked in corporate america, even painted fences on a farm. She donates her time and money to causes, and will put her money where her mouth is on making sure art can be reached by the poorest and least educated. She is pro choice, because she has realized that in the end, life and death are personal. She also believes Oregan or Denmark are a viable plan should choosing death be a necesary option if her own health is terminal.  She does not care about white, black or yellow, but tends to think that America is an evolving race of diversity, and that this diversity surpasses color, or even stereotype. She is middle class, in a good year. And in a bad year, she works harder. She is lucky because she has a family to back her up. She knows not everyone does. She had a scholarship to go to college. She had parents to fund the rest. She knows there are many smart and talented people who never get the chance. She also knows that there are wasted dollars used on others who quite frankly are a waste of time. She has witnessed people on welfare do the "I got my check dance". Those people annoy her. She has seen more often though the mother trying to balance raising children and stretching very few dollars and even fewer food stamps, all the while trying to help their kids with homework.  She understands that teachers aren't the ONLY problem with our education system, but rather a growing segement of children who have processing disorders, chemical imbalances, and emotional disturbance that may need to lead the way in redefining educational approaches. Because if a kid hasn't eaten, mom got the crap beat out of her, and she has only two pairs of clothing...reading, writing, and arithmatic really don't matter. She knows that abuse crosses socioeconomics....but in a recession, violence goes up, period. She wonders why parents have become the "don't you say nothing to my child" enforcement of child delinquency. She wonders why that PE teacher who kept from giving the little boy a reality check that kicked him, isnt' the poster face for making parents deal with the nightmares they are raising. She knows not all parents are at fault. But she knows some are. She appreciates the oil industry that helps her state keep people employed. She doesn't understand why movie stars have an opinion on fracking, especially an uneducated one. She understands that cement and asphalt raise temperatures in cities and less green space means hotter temperatures. She wonders why anyone is focusing on the farts of animals as an environmental issue. She questions why those who receive disability but are able to work aren't put to work picking up trash in parks and public ways, or using a skill they have in a modified work environment. She remembers a friend who was a great carpenter but due to a head injury would get overwhelmed in the workplace. He wanted to work, just needed an adjustment. She doesn't understand why the other issue of our youth, those who are entitled, or whose parents have little control, can't be put into a service reform program to help them regain some basic self respect...She wonders when the media will realize, it is not that she does not care, or is uneducated, its that neither of them give her faith or hope. She does not care if a gay person wants to marry, because she understands that "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness" should not dictate personal choice but rather allow for the widest interpretation as long as no one gets hurt. She doesn't get why the Feds care who smokes a joint. She thinks La Guardia was right forty years ago. Personal choice is simply that, personal. She is still annoyed President Bush had a faith council office in the White House. She believes religion and government should stay seperate, but if you are going to have a religious council, maybe all religions should have a seat, including the non religious minded. She wants to have pride in America. America made. America driven. She worries about our military, so many lives lost...both on the battlefield and when they come home. She wonders when we will realize that maybe we need to rethink our goal to save the world, and maybe work on saving ourselves again first. She remembers what she teaches her clients, if you do not heal your self first, you are of no good to anyone else.

She is listening to the debate and is realizing...neither one have any idea  how to fix our country quickly. She knows, in the end, patience is necessary to fix what we have created.

So to both candidates here is what I am looking at:

Prisons are overcrowded and when people are locked up, rehabiliation is not happening. We need real change here. But violent offendors and true dangers of society are the only people who need to be locked up. otherwise, put the folks into a work program where for so many years they work to pay back for their crime. And they still pay taxes and their bills. Education needs an overhaul, but more testing isn't helping. CHANGE WHAT KIDS NEED TO LEARN. Not everyone is going to college nor competing with China. Get creative in creating a new definition of educated. Healthcare--too expensive, period. But folks, to lower costs we gotta figure something out. Illegals, well you know what America, there are some illegals I would keep here any day over some of our own natural born. But we have to get a plan. If you aren't paying taxes, then honestly, no services. So create a voucher to allow them to work legally while waiting for citizenship. Some mental illnesses make working impossible, but we need to evaluate our system all the way through. Youth violent behavior, gangs, etc...PUT THEM IN A SOCIETY SERVICE PROGRAM AND THEN INTO THE MILITARY. If you want to kill, then lets give you a code, some honor, and remove the mayhem your current style causes. Teenage pregnancy...folks some kids will be virgins, some won't. Make options available...then leave it to the kid and the family to decide for themselves. But know that some families aren't healthy, and they can drive really nice cars and be in the PTA. That doesn't make them good for their kids, they just cover it better. Maybe since people are losing their houses, we should rethink foreclosure, because empty houses and homeless people make no sense. Give insurance cuts to people who work to be preventative in their health self care. Oh, and please realize TV and video games do effect our children...maybe we should have more care in what they see and are exposed too. We should protect our kids innocence when and where we can. I don't mind paying taxes, but when the IRS sends me three letters saying I didn't pay my taxes and I did...are you wasting my dollars with inept staff? And stop identifying yourself solely as the political group you are a part of--WE ARE ALL IN THIS SHIP TOGETHER. The reality is, I will never be pro life. You may never be pro choice. So maybe neither of us should decide that issue for the other. I will never think each person has an equal opportunity to succeed, because I have gotten to know the insurmountable difficulties some people face...they will never have an equal chance. And if they do, its because of a miracle. And as for test studies...maybe let people decide if they want to risk trial studies, not the government. If all I have to gain is a chance to live, why should you decide that for me? And yes, know that I realize my statement makes my pro choice stance seem hypocritical, but I define life as ability to live independently from host body. We have starving folks, why not let resturauts have a donation process for food left over. We have grocery stores who have food that won't sell, why not create laws that allow for them to donate viable food. Another day I will address corporate america and taxes, but today Maslow's Heirarchy indicates basic needs should be addressed.

Govenor Romeny, you scare me. You seem to think everyone has a hidden piggy bank they refuse to use. But you made some good points so I am going to research what you have done in your state.
President Obama, you have frustrated me. But you have also tried to look out for those who really are not able to help themselves without a hand.

Why am I undecided? Because our problems are so layered. And picking a direction is kind of like seeing alot of paths in the woods...you can't see where they end up.

Maybe, if I keep typing, keep talking, keep educating myself...maybe by November one of you will stand apart as the right leader for my country.

And if not...guess a coin toss will work too. By the way---one thing I do know--the tricky, shady, negative ads....they are juvenile and show me your 7th grade mentality. Stop it. It's wrong. And it shows no leadership, just really poor taste.

So why am I undecided?

Sex Sells, Lesson 101 for our Children.

I attended a dance recital last night, one for ages preschool upwards of college. Watching parents settle in, my mind flashed back to my own childhood of pageantry. But my, how things have changed. Instead of the somewhat mind numbing waltzes of Swan Lake tempo, Swan Lake has gone hip hop. Interpretive dance has pushed aside the slap stick sound of taps. Justin Timberlake's soft shoe score performed by a young woman in Liza Minnelli's tux attire. Overall, astounding in their talent. A young man, reportedly barely out of middle school, fell to the floor without sound, flew into the air and hovered, his body arched up in bowed bends as if being pulled by his core. His grace and emotion stilled one's breath.

And then there were the boobs.

I am not sure when or what triggered this "kids shouldn't see this" mode I have, but it's been switched. Two high school girls danced to "Bring on the Men", doing well placed splits to lines spouting "so many men...why do some think I'm easy...so many to please" while wearing garter stockings and red lace. But the creme Ala creme was one girl standing behind the other, sliding her hands through the girl in fronts arms and then ...bounce bounce. She man-handled the girl's breasts for the audience, much like a bra fitting in which one feels slightly molested as the fitter tests how much movement a bra is allowing.

I squirmed a bit from that moment till the song finished. No longer watching the stage, my eyes scanned the dimly lit darkness trying to scout out the audiences' characteristics. In front of me, sat three girls, roughly age eight, who giggled and ducked their heads. Across the room I saw mothers, grandparents, brothers and sisters of all ages, and fathers. Men just attending to support a buddy's kid. Women who came to see a friend's daughter shine.

And I shifted again, thinking about these men, fathers, neighbors, teen boys watching these two high school girls dancing in garters and red lace. Their red lipped mouths singing the words about women entertaining men, a song about sex, lust, prostitution. Laughing uncomfortably or voraciously at the questionable boob feel. I wondered if we had sent our message clear enough.

Regardless of talent ladies, sex and sexuality sells.

Forget that these two women were very talented, performed in numerous acts that night with grace, spunk, and eye catching attitude. Forget their MTV, "So You Think You Can Dance" potential. Forget their ability to transfix without the cheap gratuitous sex.

I surveyed my parent-friends, because I do not have children and my impression could be a bit off course. Most seemed a bit off put, some down played it as them being in high school so it was somehow to be expected. Some indicated it did not seem appropriate.

But none seemed outraged.

Reportedly the girls' own parents found it funny, in that cheeky Chevy Chase sort of way.

I think our message has been sent, loud and clear.