Infrequent Coarse Language

 "Unknown but captivating Sculptor's Piece"

Photo taken by Kristi Crutchfield Cox, 2013



Abby Lee Dance Company comes with a warning label noted as "infrequent coarse language" followed by "Reality". For those who are unaware of the premise of the this latest vestige of passive aggressive displays of relational aggression among women paired with twisted notes of an almost Pavlovian response of our society...please check out a few episodes. You will watch the mothers behave in ways they would ground their daughters for acting like. The concept of "standing up for oneself" advocated, yet often eroding into a display of screaming, threatening, and insulting exchanges as female bonding and coexistence.

And then there's Abby Lee. Who walks back and forth between empowering the young girls...and then verbally scaring the shit out of them. One word and they either smile or deteriorate.

 Some harden.

Maddie.

She has learned to thrive under this tutelage.

Each of them are stunning in what they are capable of. Each have their own arresting element that hints at how their personality shapes their style. When you actually watch them interpret, sway, leap, or aerial across the stage once can see they truly have a mastery of their talent at a very young age.

I figure Abby Lee is the type of coach that the Olympics Gymnastics became notorious for.

And for some reason, this pressured coaching will push the best to the top.

But how many get destroyed in the process of forcing that cream to the top?

Chloey has her own style that mesmerizes. But I worry her mother may break, and Chloey needs her mother to simply support her, not have fights with the other mothers. And the women are so anxious; feeling the ground shifting under them, being on TV and competing and having feedback from strangers shaping them  quickly as they try to find a way to feel a sense of how to handle and navigate this scrutiny, mixed with almost being pitted against their daughters in the quest to keep them ahead of the game.

One girl hurt her foot. She almost looked relieved.

Her mother was willing to risk it to keep her in the act...or so it seemed. Maybe that was simply a crafty cut and paste job by the editing crew, shaping our impressions of this evolving world of how people behave.

It is disturbing, the manner in which these young ladies who are only beginning to move from the reaction of "ooh gross boys" to "boys-gotta have em", are skimming the edges of evocative by using contortion gymnastics as a genre of dancing while wearing a fedora and  halter top with booty shorts . A Brittneyesque woman's voice croons "I Know What You Want".  A mother's reaction was concern over the dance not being "hip hop enough".  Abby's was over the girls "not showing me fire, they showed me lukewarm".

 The girls themselves looked awkward, suspended between being talented dancers who can emulate many styles versus trying to dance in a fashion unfamiliar and to words whose stated intent is sex.

Why am I relieved they didn't pull off this dance?

Why am I disturbed that the mothers applauded.

 During the song, "We Flew Kites Together" a male voice speaks softened words of lost moments in a relationship that is now gone. The girls danced strongly and the music mesmerized and yet the result was haunting: little girls in blue dresses with bruises and black eyes displaying a dance of violence against themselves and others as the male voice ends with "we never flew kites together". I get shock value...but really?

Do they understand the meaning? Is there meaning? Is it saying the lack of a father figure being interactive, interested and present as a reason for why a woman stays in an abusive relationship?

Listening to the words alone, it evoked a sense of regretting the lost moments of a relationship and mourning that. 

And yet, I wonder if it will be what they remember? Will this dance help them walk away from when they encounter abuse themselves or through their friendships...did Abby in essence empower them in this?

Why aren't the mothers' disturbed? Abby is very artistic and although no, she is not really a hip hop teacher, she is talented in her preferred style. (See hip hop episode 1/1/13, TLC Dance Moms' Show for all above mentioned episodes, it was a marathon show day)  The new mother Kiya stood her ground just now with the mothers. I think she will only be on a few episodes. She does not seem wired for games.

These shows seem to bring out the immature understanding or either a very perplexing testament to the new value system of our society ie..."bad behavior wins"  type version of the rules of "Art of War" and "Who moved my Cheese" manner of life and relationship negotiation meets "Desperate Housewives" in behavior and mentality, and unfortunately, more often then not, in their rationality...or lack their of. They are ruthless and then supportive; banding together, than annihilating one another, their boundaries continue to slide in how they treat one another, and how they show their girls about how adult women handle themselves.

We all have had those moments, times, friendships, experiences, decisions, whatever you want to list there...where our worst is brought out. Sometimes it may take us repeat encounters until we finally learn and evolve in how we think, act, behave and exist in this world. How we handle stress and people and life.

And folks, our overall examples of a "Day in the Life of America"  as being displayed by television programming is...a bit haywire.

I look up, the sound of two of the girls singing interrupts my thoughts. They are making a video, says the brunette who I am still learning the names and background of since I actually don't watch this show very often simply because of the fact that there is really not allot of dancing actually shown and due to the near perfect attendance pattern of the show featuring arguing, screaming, immature tantrum throwing, entitlement, vicious and insecurely competitive based behavior.

Again, we have all had our time where a situation brought out he worst in us...unfortunately what we underestimate is the collision and collateral damage experienced by those who play games being thrown in with those who don't play games and then how people evolve their own behavior from there. What becomes the majority? Navigating relationships seem to be more minefield driven on TV. And it seems to be becoming more widespread. The behavior has always existed, consider the eighties cult hit movie "Heathers" and "Jawbreaker". "Mean Girls".  The book "Queen Bees and Wanna Bees" Erickson's "Games People Play".

Hell...consider the Bible or any other religious text examining human  nature. I just wonder, why, when pressure and stress rise do we not communicate and work together more rather than  becoming alienated and disconnected.

I wonder how much this "Schoolyard rules written by modern day society" are really shaping and reshaping or youth...and even more appallingly, our adults.

Two girls still believe the world will be kind.

They posted a video of themselves singing, while in their room, with a camera person watching them. Maybe more were in the room, maybe not. I imagine the mother was not there, not in that moment. The girls have a certain...casualness with one another never present when the mothers are videoed.  Maybe the mom is at work, maybe making dinner. On second thought, she is probably updating her fan and Facebook pages.

The singing girl just looked into the camera announcing her reason as "wanting to see if people think I'm good".

I am worried she will shortly learn that the term "haters" refers to someone who really is mean in what and how they let you know what they think. The reasons may very, but the result is often a series of increasingly cruel, vulgar, and even threatening comments by disembodied names practicing  our increasingly irresponsible use of free speech.

I know this has been a theme in reality television since "Real World" took a divergent path from the  reflection of real lives and began a revolution of exploring reality television in a manner that had rarely been done beyond academic and edgy art house documentaries previously.

Documentaries that become popular evolve into a type of docu-reality hybrid that is having an effect on the WTF of our current societal makeup and the counter effects and developing society.

Media has become the new parent, friend, and influence of development and developmental stages.

America, we better wake up.

The next few blogs will explore media, our development, both positives and possible negatives.

The kicker in all of this...her dances, some of them...truly wake you up, shocking the system in their fragile raw destructive and menacing beauty.

I'm just not sure if its appropriate is all.

Sometimes some things are positive and negative at the same time.


Catch a few episodes of "Toddlers and Tiaras"...Dr. Drew was able to id that "Boo Boo juice" was liken to crack. But some mothers on this show continue to create an addiction base in their children with candy. I am sure there are strengths in having your child in these pageants...but so far, one child screaming "I hate it" while her mother hands her a candy bar as a bribe to dance. And yet, I must admit, Honey Boo Boo, who now has a spin off show, seems to have gained a stronger sense of confidence than she may have had otherwise given all contributing factors in her life. Final note...on the episode of "Toddlers and Tiaras; America's Genuine Jewel Pageant" one person got it right. He described himself as the "father figure" in a little girl's life, and that he had tagged along on the fitting because he was concerned about what the word "tribal" would mean as a costume choice indicating his concern the outfit might be rather scarce in fabric. As the little girl bent down to stand on her head while doing a splits in the air, her outfit parting dead center between her legs, her mother smiling approvingly, he noted that he didn't understand that move, that it "might be a dance but not the kind of dance she needs to be doing, I saw that in  Chris Brown video". Her mother, smiling in the camera stated "it's my daughter and I get to decide what she wears".

Yes, mommy...yes you do. And Chris Brown is having video try outs soon.

Mayan Prophecy: Came True

Mayan Prophecy: Came True

Today, our world, according to some interpretations, was supposed to end. I had to make a metaphorical appointment for 12/22/12 with a client who truly was concerned it may occur in order to allay her fears. We held our Christmas party last eve, a relaxed and subdued passing of time with people who I am blessed enough to work with, our diverse personalities melding into a mutually supportive group who fight as quickly for one another as for themselves.  And during this party we heard a deafening news, that over a hundred or more kids were definitely not having much, if any Christmas. Toys for Tots had literally run out of toys.  Across the room, Brooke Byers, who has worked this event with her mother, Joyce Davenport for years, bobbed her foot, periodically looking lost in thought, her mind clearly preoccupied with the dilemma they faced.  Each year there is that last minute “hold your breath, are we gonna have enough” stress ending with a final sigh of relief when the last caregiver of children arrives, signs, and walks away with hope and care in a bag.

And this year, they already knew that ending was fading.

I sat at Hamburger Inn, having just ordered comfort food from a hometown classic to take to Brooke and her mother. The room filled with familiarity and connection, whether strangers or friends. A neighbor of mine, who stopped in for take out, offered her cash as I mentioned who and why I was heading over with comfort food.  She went on to suggest that maybe her group should connect with them for next year and better coordinate Santa efforts. Walking out, I felt that little bit of “we, as a species, are in this together” rise in my heart.

 I had no idea the simple miracle of human care would soon emerge.

Arriving, I found Brooke and her mother comparing notes and discussing earnestly where and how they might be able to find enough help to make up for recession-hit- donations. In the end, we all have been hurt, from the top company to the one person family hoping food stamps don’t get cut, if they are lucky to get those.  But realizing over a hundred plus families weren’t going to have anything possibly, that there were some kids that would learn a new story about Christmas, or maybe would have an old one reinforced; Santa doesn’t visit every child. My throat hurt. But the looks on these two women’s faces showed the focus, stress, hope, and strain of being an advocate.

 Santa’s elves aren’t always in the North Pole.

Brooke’s phone rang; glancing down before she watched a mother walk up.

“Get that. I need to greet this person”. I took her phone, barely hearing her words of “your name is an S, ok, we are hoping to have more gifts tomorrow, so I will need you to check back with me”

“Tell Brooke we just got $3,000 from…” my mouth dropped.

“Hang on, she needs to hear this” I stopped Brooke, handing her the phone, almost pushing it at her.

I watched her face, shifting from slight aching at having to turn a family away, to a slowly optimistic smile and deep sigh.

“Ma’am,  we will have your toys tomorrow.” She grinned as the woman walked away, a lighter pace in her walk.

In the next eight minutes, two more calls came through, several thousand dollars raised by two of her friends.

Angels.

Brooke’s mother walked out, already writing down ideas of how to find more toys, her voice slightly mumbled as she sourced out best way to make a miracle happen.

Brooke walked over to her mom, “we got enough, I am going to get the toys…” and then shared the news that average everyday humans reached out and simply helped one another.

Becoming a miracle.

The Mayan prophecy has been rumored to have meant, for some, the end of our world. Maybe this is true, not the end of the world existing but an ending of disharmony within and among ourselves and with the planet, and all the varied inhabitants. Focused on indicating a better balance and more connection of the expressions of this element we call life.

For all who have given to help in any form to any and all forms of hope in our community and the world beyond, thank you.

May this year we be able to thrive, slow down, find peace, develop balance, realize hope, feel safe, challenge ourselves and our children to make the world a better place,  and start with ourselves.

Happy Holidays

HOPE

In response to my previous post regarding voting for hope...

I just finished voting. When I arrived at the courthouse to vote, they told me where my precinct headquarters was located.

"Go to "New Hope Church of God"

Really...a church? To Vote?

And when I arrived, my eyes focused on one word...

Hope.

It will be intersting to see what happens when the polls close.

I voted for hope.

BULLWORTH, OBAMA, and AMERICAN HOPE

If you haven't seen Bullworth, you should.

It is the story of a white, middle aged congressman played by Warren Betty, who rips the lid off the political correctness bullshit of interviews we have become so accustomed to in our medias efforts to show us who our "real candidates" are, mind you this is possibly due to a brain tumor, but the effect is insanity with a purpose. Hallie Berry plays a hitman turned love interest, who ultimately witnesses the living dream assasinated in front of her. There are many moments in this film that feel over the top, and yet, the film is brilliant. It exposes our underbellies as a society, ALL our underbellies; white (caucasion), black (African American), Asian, Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese, Latino, Colombian, Salvadorian, Hispanic, and the many MANY mixes of our ethnicities in between. I find it interesting that in a  few mintues I will go stand in line again, hopefully able to vote.

And who will I vote for...

That is the hard one, the thing that has rendered me less excited, less sure, and completely confused as to what I should sacrifice and for which greater good. I have realized that men like Ryan are something I cannot support or even relate to. I  have realized men like Ryan have no business in politics anymore, as they have nothing to do with the American people as a whole, but rather a fading (hopefully) era of frightening beliefs and lack of connection with the diverse public.

And yet, Romney is part of an economist mentality that regardless of his intelligence, we need a bit more of to figure out our middle class extinction. Or maybe that is a misguided hope, because there is no real proof he is going to be able to fix anything at all, and the cost of him slashing and buring women's rights by giving the government extreme power over personal decisions is a risk I cannot take. Not for me so much as for my fellow females, who may one day find themselves in a  room, needing the right to make their own choice.

I don't understand why religion is in government. Didn't the Anabaptists fight for seperation for a reason.

And Obama...I have to point out here that I do not believe this man is a terrorist. Mainly, for no other reason than I would think if he was trying to be a "Homeland" type plant by some identified enemy...wouldn't his name be something like Jack? Or John, Or Bob? But not...Obama..and not admitting anything about muslim connection.

So past that concern..how has he done?

He was handed a war torn country, a recession, and a monumental moment full of expectation and weight.

He was given a congress better suited for time out on a playground than for running a country.

He was handed a voting public whose interest in anything beyond a 10 second slam fest of misleading messages was nill.

He was handed millions of people losing jobs, facing evictions, and being defrauded in some of the largest investor schemes of our time.

He was handed a country looking for hope, but unprepapred for the real overhaul it will take.

He was handed a country looking for a team captain...

I am sure he has not lived up to the epxectations and hope I had, but I am sure that between the two...he is still the one who gives me hope.

So in this election, I vote "hope".

The Undecided Voter

Today I read about the undecided voter. The image of this voter changed based on whose summation I read. "Walmart mom", "uneducated", even "no apparent brain activity". All descriptions of this voting set previously known as the undecided citizen. Each trying to decide why there is very little passion in this Presidential race.

Well, let me introduce you to one more category of the undecided voter.

She is educated, has one bachelors, two masters. Works roughly ten hours a day, sometimes less, as a clinical therapist. One evening, she teaches, college level. She has been a yoga instructor, a massage therapist, worked in corporate america, even painted fences on a farm. She donates her time and money to causes, and will put her money where her mouth is on making sure art can be reached by the poorest and least educated. She is pro choice, because she has realized that in the end, life and death are personal. She also believes Oregan or Denmark are a viable plan should choosing death be a necesary option if her own health is terminal.  She does not care about white, black or yellow, but tends to think that America is an evolving race of diversity, and that this diversity surpasses color, or even stereotype. She is middle class, in a good year. And in a bad year, she works harder. She is lucky because she has a family to back her up. She knows not everyone does. She had a scholarship to go to college. She had parents to fund the rest. She knows there are many smart and talented people who never get the chance. She also knows that there are wasted dollars used on others who quite frankly are a waste of time. She has witnessed people on welfare do the "I got my check dance". Those people annoy her. She has seen more often though the mother trying to balance raising children and stretching very few dollars and even fewer food stamps, all the while trying to help their kids with homework.  She understands that teachers aren't the ONLY problem with our education system, but rather a growing segement of children who have processing disorders, chemical imbalances, and emotional disturbance that may need to lead the way in redefining educational approaches. Because if a kid hasn't eaten, mom got the crap beat out of her, and she has only two pairs of clothing...reading, writing, and arithmatic really don't matter. She knows that abuse crosses socioeconomics....but in a recession, violence goes up, period. She wonders why parents have become the "don't you say nothing to my child" enforcement of child delinquency. She wonders why that PE teacher who kept from giving the little boy a reality check that kicked him, isnt' the poster face for making parents deal with the nightmares they are raising. She knows not all parents are at fault. But she knows some are. She appreciates the oil industry that helps her state keep people employed. She doesn't understand why movie stars have an opinion on fracking, especially an uneducated one. She understands that cement and asphalt raise temperatures in cities and less green space means hotter temperatures. She wonders why anyone is focusing on the farts of animals as an environmental issue. She questions why those who receive disability but are able to work aren't put to work picking up trash in parks and public ways, or using a skill they have in a modified work environment. She remembers a friend who was a great carpenter but due to a head injury would get overwhelmed in the workplace. He wanted to work, just needed an adjustment. She doesn't understand why the other issue of our youth, those who are entitled, or whose parents have little control, can't be put into a service reform program to help them regain some basic self respect...She wonders when the media will realize, it is not that she does not care, or is uneducated, its that neither of them give her faith or hope. She does not care if a gay person wants to marry, because she understands that "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness" should not dictate personal choice but rather allow for the widest interpretation as long as no one gets hurt. She doesn't get why the Feds care who smokes a joint. She thinks La Guardia was right forty years ago. Personal choice is simply that, personal. She is still annoyed President Bush had a faith council office in the White House. She believes religion and government should stay seperate, but if you are going to have a religious council, maybe all religions should have a seat, including the non religious minded. She wants to have pride in America. America made. America driven. She worries about our military, so many lives lost...both on the battlefield and when they come home. She wonders when we will realize that maybe we need to rethink our goal to save the world, and maybe work on saving ourselves again first. She remembers what she teaches her clients, if you do not heal your self first, you are of no good to anyone else.

She is listening to the debate and is realizing...neither one have any idea  how to fix our country quickly. She knows, in the end, patience is necessary to fix what we have created.

So to both candidates here is what I am looking at:

Prisons are overcrowded and when people are locked up, rehabiliation is not happening. We need real change here. But violent offendors and true dangers of society are the only people who need to be locked up. otherwise, put the folks into a work program where for so many years they work to pay back for their crime. And they still pay taxes and their bills. Education needs an overhaul, but more testing isn't helping. CHANGE WHAT KIDS NEED TO LEARN. Not everyone is going to college nor competing with China. Get creative in creating a new definition of educated. Healthcare--too expensive, period. But folks, to lower costs we gotta figure something out. Illegals, well you know what America, there are some illegals I would keep here any day over some of our own natural born. But we have to get a plan. If you aren't paying taxes, then honestly, no services. So create a voucher to allow them to work legally while waiting for citizenship. Some mental illnesses make working impossible, but we need to evaluate our system all the way through. Youth violent behavior, gangs, etc...PUT THEM IN A SOCIETY SERVICE PROGRAM AND THEN INTO THE MILITARY. If you want to kill, then lets give you a code, some honor, and remove the mayhem your current style causes. Teenage pregnancy...folks some kids will be virgins, some won't. Make options available...then leave it to the kid and the family to decide for themselves. But know that some families aren't healthy, and they can drive really nice cars and be in the PTA. That doesn't make them good for their kids, they just cover it better. Maybe since people are losing their houses, we should rethink foreclosure, because empty houses and homeless people make no sense. Give insurance cuts to people who work to be preventative in their health self care. Oh, and please realize TV and video games do effect our children...maybe we should have more care in what they see and are exposed too. We should protect our kids innocence when and where we can. I don't mind paying taxes, but when the IRS sends me three letters saying I didn't pay my taxes and I did...are you wasting my dollars with inept staff? And stop identifying yourself solely as the political group you are a part of--WE ARE ALL IN THIS SHIP TOGETHER. The reality is, I will never be pro life. You may never be pro choice. So maybe neither of us should decide that issue for the other. I will never think each person has an equal opportunity to succeed, because I have gotten to know the insurmountable difficulties some people face...they will never have an equal chance. And if they do, its because of a miracle. And as for test studies...maybe let people decide if they want to risk trial studies, not the government. If all I have to gain is a chance to live, why should you decide that for me? And yes, know that I realize my statement makes my pro choice stance seem hypocritical, but I define life as ability to live independently from host body. We have starving folks, why not let resturauts have a donation process for food left over. We have grocery stores who have food that won't sell, why not create laws that allow for them to donate viable food. Another day I will address corporate america and taxes, but today Maslow's Heirarchy indicates basic needs should be addressed.

Govenor Romeny, you scare me. You seem to think everyone has a hidden piggy bank they refuse to use. But you made some good points so I am going to research what you have done in your state.
President Obama, you have frustrated me. But you have also tried to look out for those who really are not able to help themselves without a hand.

Why am I undecided? Because our problems are so layered. And picking a direction is kind of like seeing alot of paths in the woods...you can't see where they end up.

Maybe, if I keep typing, keep talking, keep educating myself...maybe by November one of you will stand apart as the right leader for my country.

And if not...guess a coin toss will work too. By the way---one thing I do know--the tricky, shady, negative ads....they are juvenile and show me your 7th grade mentality. Stop it. It's wrong. And it shows no leadership, just really poor taste.

So why am I undecided?

Oklahoma Bed Time Stories "How Personhood Bill Increased Prison Numbers"

Bob and Mary went to the doctor to discuss the fact that they had not been able to conceive. Their doctor helped them decide to try invitro, a process where a woman's eggs are fertilized and then implanted back into her body. They successfully had two children and decided, for their family, this was enough. Then they had to decide what to do with their left over eggs. Both decided that donating them was not something they wanted to do, and they certainly did not want more children. So they chose to let the eggs be disposed of. Two weeks later, Bob and Mary were in jail, their children in states custody, and their doctor, whom had cared for them, was on trial for murder.

Kris and Michelle were at college and decided one day that they wanted to take their relationship further than holding hands and kissing. They wanted to have sex. So Kris and Michelle went to their doctor to get birth control. They did not know a new law had made birth control a form of murder because it prevents eggs from implanting. Kris and Michelle names were turned over to the police for collusion to commit murder. Kris and Michelle don't look good in orange.

Jeff and Shirley went to the doctor after Shirley had what she thought was a miscarriage. Her doctor informed her she would need to go to the hospital. After arriving and explaining why she was there, she was taken in a room. Shortly after, a policeman came in and informed her she would be investigated to see if she and her husband had intentionally caused this miscarriage. Shirley cried as the doctor explained, opening her legs, that he was sorry but the law demanded an investigation. Jeff shook his head trying to remove the scene of his wife crying, a policeman waiting, and a doctor soothing..."there there, this will only take a minute".


Matt and Tara went to their insurance agent after learning of one of their children's pregnancy's. Overjoyed, they wanted to take out a life insurance policy for the fetus, now declared a person. Their insurance agent, surprised that a fetus was now a person, scrambled to see if there was a policy to be bought. But apparently, insurance cannot be bought until a child is born because insurance does not recognize a fetus as a person. So Matt voted for a change which forced insurance companies to provide coverage for a fetus.

Kristi went to the doctor to find out her options after discovering she was pregnant. She had college to attend, a job to secure, and her boyfriend had made it clear he was not interested in having a child either. While waiting for her information about clinics who offered abortion, she heard a knock on the door. A policeman entered and stated "you are being arrested for an attempt to murder a child". Kristi now wear's inmate number DOC 3000. You can visit her Saturdays, 1-5.

Thoughts over Coffee

In two hours I need to be in the office, navigating through peoples' lives, hoping the few moments or hours of help result in their world getting better, understanding but not always accepting this may not be the case. I have spent the last two hours watering my yard and wondering whether or not updating and expanding this blog is a good idea. I miss the days of scratching furiously on paper, words streaming so fast the letters blur as I try to get them down. Reality of that though is that my handwriting sucks, and often I would not read what i had written.

So much brilliance lost.

But the act of typing makes your thoughts instantly readable, easily detected with a few clicks, and ultimately...permanent in this crazy world of global connection.

Thought for today...reality tv, the onslaught of "Wives of..." is it not eerily similar to Jerry Springer Live?

Enjoy, live, breathe.